As I noted earlier, Wife and I recently celebrated 15 years of marriage. We have been living together for 18 years. For basically that whole time we have had an open relationship.
What do you want to hear from Wife?
In the first few years, it was “don’t ask, don’t tell.” That is, we agreed we didn’t mind if the other fooled around outside of our relationship, we just didn’t want to know the details. Then, a few years along, we change the rules, and now we are completely forthcoming to one another concerning outside romances.
And romance is allowed. It’s not just about one-night-stands. Both of us have had emotionally invested relationships with others. What makes it work, I guess, is clear communication, honesty and trust. In the end, we are committed to one another.
I’m often amused when people ask, “Well, if that’s the case, what’s the point of getting married?” True, we don’t have kids and don’t want them, which doesn’t have anything to do with the open relationship. And we don’t truck with the monogamy thing. But beyond those two divergences from the norm, what defines a marriage exactly? We make our lives together. We keep our finances together. We have a good sex life with each other. We plan to grow old together. We make sacrifices for each other. And so on.
We realize people are fascinated by the unconventionality of it, and in truth we often enjoy tweaking their fixed assumptions about the world by revealing details of our lives. We thought a while ago we should write a book about it. But then we decided that we’d first try a blog and see how that went, and maybe transform it into a book later, if it merits it.
Problem is, I’m doing all the writing. Wife is a good writer, she’s just feeling shy. She claims to not know how to get started, what topic to write about.
So I invite you, our few readers thus far, to propose a topic. What would you like to hear Wife comment on in the context of the open marriage?